Monthly Archives: May 2014

I’m Not Humble, I’m DELUSIONAL

conceited

Once upon a time, in my fascinating world of dating, I had a coffee date and this is what happened.

Coffee Date: yeah, I give a lot to different charities, and people love it when I do and are always thanking me… (sigh)… my family even says I do too much. But, I try to stay HUMBLE.

Me: Blank stare, raised eyebrows, and felt my eyes dilating at the same moment…

Coffee Date: But you know what? I don’t even mention it. I think it is our duty as human beings to give and there is no point talking about it though… All my family, friends and even the people I don’t even know come to me and tell me how charitable and philanthropic I am. And I am like, ‘no no… don’t say that.’ And I never praise myself. I just want to inspire other people to follow in my footsteps. It is all about humility…you know what I mean?

Me: Me eyes about to pop out of my sockets: Ummmmmm, sure…. Whatever you say…

I pulled out the iPhone to check the definition of HUMBLE. Had to make sure that Dear Ol’Webster’s definition and I were on the same page… I’ve got one word to say… REALLY? This man has to be right so Webster got the word, HUMBLE totally wrong?!

At this moment I realized that this man might be too HUMBLE for me. His overwhelming humility is impeding his ability to concentrate on anything other than himself.

Oh, by the way, did I miss my opportunity to mention the $1.00 I gave to the Salvation Army guy? 😉

I did learn something though- the meaning of humble is NOT CONCEITED NOR CONVINCED. In his case, he was convinced that he was HUMBLE and CONCEITED enough to talk about being HUMBLE.

Needless to say, we both lived happily ever after – he went his way, and I went my way laughing and bragging about my most humble date. THE END.

The Headless Hunt

male-defined-abs-1-475

I understand the concept of a “BLIND DATE” but the whole idea of creating an extensive profile on any online dating site is to provide the potential viewer or date with an idea of what they are getting themselves into. In the last two months, I have been contacted by countless headless profiles, with only a bare minimum of the profile items filled out and no photo in sight. So in simple terms, I might as well have been shown interest by the 80-year old grandma next door, the teenage vampire enthusiast looking for his first human experience, or a walking pedophile looking for a cover.

And even when they add a photograph to their profile, it is so blurry that it seems that their life is in a permanent state of fog. Or it is a group picture where I cannot decide who or how many of them are contacting me. Or he is just a tiny blip in some beautiful scenery. As much as I love the Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal, I sure as hell won’t marry one. Get the picture? The real one…

It makes sense that on a dating site, you would like to convey or express the affectionate side of you. I too am affectionate but you will NOT see me displaying photos of my dog, cat, pet iguana or any other creature in Old McDonald’s farm. Come on guys, I want to see you, NOT YOUR PETS and NOT ALL THE PLACES YOU’VE BEEN. I want to see what you look like in a natural setting, and not the buffed up, half naked version of you that has to take a picture of themselves in the bathroom mirror. If you are such an interesting, affectionate person surely you can scramble up a friend to take a picture of you, even strangers do it for tourists. So just to finish up, show your face man! Just a simple picture and have some confidence. If you noticed, the female species does not have that high of standard regarding your looks. Otherwise, so many of you would not be married in the first place. Truth does hurt…