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About Wheatish Woman

Wheatish Complexion Woman Chronicles Her Dating World: This Desi dares to tell it ALL with wit, wisdom and a bit of common sense!

Is Your Skin Suitable For A PlayDate? By A Guest Blogger

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Surely we have all read about how women feel ousted by potential suitors during a date because of their wheatish color skin. But are those the only types of dates in jeopardy? We also hear that potential partners with non-wheatish complexion are delinquent about these things. But is that the whole truth? Could it be that at times wheatish complexions have little tolerance for other wheatish complexions?

Recently, my little girl and I were at the playground and inadvertently overheard the conversation of a mother and her daughter of Indian descent. From the conversation, I could tell that the little girl was planning her birthday party and the two were discussing the list of friends she could invite. The little girl gave her mom a bunch of names and her mother seemed to be fine with the list except that of the only Indian girl, named Bela.

“Well, I will invite Bela another day,” the mom protested.

“But why mom? These are all the girls I hang out with at school?”

“I want to have a separate party for the Indian kids, you don’t understand beta.”

“No, I don’t,” the little girl persisted with her argument. “Are we going to play different games when the Indian girls come over next weekend? “

“Of course not,” said the mother.

“Are you feeding us an Indian meal that day?” the girl asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” said her mom getting very irritable by all the questioning.

“Then why aren’t you inviting my (Indian) friend to the first party with all of the other friends we hang out with? You know I have already told her about the party and that Katie, Suzie, Alex, Jamey are all coming too. She is going to be so sad if she is left out.”

The mother went on to explain that it is sometimes best to keep both “groups” separate and if she associated with other Indian girls she would be considered a ‘typical desi.’ This was a first for me, I had heard about the all-Indian parties and in-group favoritism of hanging with your own kind. However, this was ousting a child from a party because of their skin – your own complexion – wheatish skin. I could not comprehend this!
Let’s me just say that while we make every effort to eliminate in-group favoritism, it is virtually impossible since it’s a powerful human impulse. I haven’t completely understood that phenomenon but being an immigrant to this country, I cannot judge in-group favoritism too harshly because it is understandable why cultures with similarity feel more comfortable hanging out with their own kind. However, this situation was quite the contrary. The mother was proposing “out-of-group favoritism,” I could almost hear her yelling “Keep the Wheaties out!”

The sad but inescapable truth is that we are guilty of racism: not always but distressingly often, not all of us but, unfortunately, far too many. If this is to change we must begin by first and unreservedly accept this fact. And if we can’t our children will make us. With the increase in racial diversity in this country, it is inevitable that the new youth will not tolerate our past prejudices – whether they are against the other kind of people or our own.

I felt the need to intervene. But the little Indian girl beat me to the punch. She politely asserted to her mom that keeping Bela out of her party and inviting her with the “other Indian girls,” she was not being fair to her or her friends. And that she wanted the girls that played together at recess to join the party not because they were her mom’s friend’s children or because they were of a certain color or not of a certain color. The mom shook her head rebelling but she seemed to understand her daughter’s point of view while completely not accepting it. I am not sure of the final outcome of the party but it was refreshing to hear a young girl’s perspective that taught her mom a thing or two.

Making friends and cherishing friendships is not about how one looks or doesn’t look, or what group you fall under or don’t fall under. If you can’t be proud of who you are and where you come from – can you blame others when they treat you differently? Dear readers, young or not so, rich or not so, wheatish or not so, in my book, friends are who you get along with, who accept you for who you are and most importantly who uplift your spirit. If a young child has figured this out then I am very optimistic about where the world is turning.

Can A Lighter Color Of Eyes Compensate For The Dark Skin Tone? Is This A Game?

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Disclaimer: Agree to Disagree or Disagree to Agree

What is the look that most men desire or go after? If you are talking in general terms, we are talking about fair skin, Barbie doll “skinny”, taller than 5’5, bluish/greenish eyes, or shades of hazel. Now, this could strictly be my opinion; however, it appears to be true based on what I have observed in the media, beauty pageants, and also when it comes to the marriage market. Now, if you don’t have any of these qualities, there is a possibility while growing up, you were made to understand that some girls are more beautiful or exquisite than you because they possess qualities mentioned above.

Hey, no worries though, because you may not have missed the boat completely because if you can manage to have even one of the qualities mentioned above, you are still in the game. Please consider the following scenarios.

So, imagine a female who is about 5’3, a glowing wheatish complexion, dark brown eyes, and has a nice butt and set of boobs. Do you think this girl with these physical attributes will win most beauty contests? Probably not but you add a set of green eyes, she suddenly becomes the “EXOTIC BEAUTY” that men find desirable. You might argue, “what about Miss America, Nina Davuluri? Do understand that she was not chosen by a huge population of men who were looking for their suitable match; she was chosen by a panel of judges following particular pageant rules and regulations. To the vast majority of men, given the choice, between Miss America, Nina Davuluri and Miss World 1994, Aishwarya Rai (in her 20s), which woman do you think most men would choose?

Now, if you are still not tall, have brown eyes, average looks and weight/height, you’ll need fair skin. There are some Indian girls who may not carry the looks or have such striking facial features, but they are fairer than the average Indian girl, so guess what? Yup, it makes them more desirable. Do you agree?

Hold on here, I’m not done yet. Let me add this to the equation. Now imagine this. Here is another girl: wheatish skin, dark brown/black eyes, 5/2 which is the average height for an Indian woman, and not completely malnourished. For her to catch a “suitable” groom or a match, she better have an MD to compensate for all those lack of physical attributes. You’re probably thinking, “really, an MD?” Unfortunately, I have experienced it and many others have too.

Now she has NONE, absolutely NONE of the so-called desirable looks, and NO MD. Guess what happens? Well, this poor girl might need a dowry hefty enough to be pulled by elephants. Pretty pathetic, isn’t it? Now, leaving the lucky few aside, this is what the marriage mart looks like for many of us.

What is your opinion about all this? Care to share? You may or may not agree with what I wrote but these are my true observations and this is what my experiences have been and I suspect many of my female readers have faced the same.

Do this… type the words, “beauty” in Google images. The first page is dominated by women with light hair color, fair skin, a slender body and light-eyes. If you have happened to see a girl there with dark-hair, dark skin, she will not have dark eyes. By the grace of God, in the first few pages, if you come across an African American woman, her hair would be covered with a cloth or “improved” with a weave and not her natural curly hair. Apparently, similar expectations are applied to the idea of an Indian beauty as well. In conclusion, it seems our idea of beauty leaves most of us behind.

Our Advice: BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL…

If you think this horse has not been beaten enough, copy and paste the following: http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/09/miss-america-too-dark-for-miss-india.html

In Memory Of The Serial Texter

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Dear brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today under the roof of Starbucks (where I am currently writing) to pay respects to a relationship that blossomed solely due to the kind courtesy of AT&T and their unlimited text plan. Our dear departed “texter” was too good to be true, and all full of autocorrect, diction and emotiCONS. His unique ringtone, and photo texts set him apart from all the other faceHookers (oops… did I just say that), tweeeters, and quackers.

Oh, he was always available to you in your time of need, provided you were expressing your need in 140 characters or less. He was one of those old-fashioned men who believed that you should treat all the numbers in your contacts equally. That is why, this man of God TEXTED- so that he could spread his message of love to more than one recipient at a time. And even if one did not hear from him for days on end, don’t despair ladies… you were in his prayers. Well, at least one of you… and then, like the first rain of spring, suddenly and without warning, he decided to text your number.

The content of his message was so strong and inspirational that even if your phone was on silent; you would feel the vibrations from the back pocket of your pants all the way to your knees. It was just buzz… buzz… and buzzzz…and it would not stop until you picked it up and the revelation of the Lord was upon you and it spoke to you… “hey girrrrlll, whatcha doin?” At that moment, a tear slowly rolled down my cheek and my heart sang, “God is real!”

But as it says in the Holy-text, “if you live by the text, you die by text.” Instead of counting my blessings, I was taken by greed and insisted upon meeting him in the flesh so my eyes could feast upon his glory. But he lived by the commandments and preached to me often enough “THOU SHALL NOT MEET.” But my wayward heart did not heed the Lord’s command and a dark spirit descended upon my fingertips, the Pagan Wheatish Goddess that possesseth my skin overpowered my faith in texting and I found myself deleting his number.

And thus, I call upon you to send a prayer (or you can text it) in memory of the “texter” that is no longer with us but his message of love, sexting and lies will remain with us and keep us (from making the same mistake again)!! You shall and never be erased from my AT&T billing history (no matter how much I really wanted to).

I’m Not Humble, I’m DELUSIONAL

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Once upon a time, in my fascinating world of dating, I had a coffee date and this is what happened.

Coffee Date: yeah, I give a lot to different charities, and people love it when I do and are always thanking me… (sigh)… my family even says I do too much. But, I try to stay HUMBLE.

Me: Blank stare, raised eyebrows, and felt my eyes dilating at the same moment…

Coffee Date: But you know what? I don’t even mention it. I think it is our duty as human beings to give and there is no point talking about it though… All my family, friends and even the people I don’t even know come to me and tell me how charitable and philanthropic I am. And I am like, ‘no no… don’t say that.’ And I never praise myself. I just want to inspire other people to follow in my footsteps. It is all about humility…you know what I mean?

Me: Me eyes about to pop out of my sockets: Ummmmmm, sure…. Whatever you say…

I pulled out the iPhone to check the definition of HUMBLE. Had to make sure that Dear Ol’Webster’s definition and I were on the same page… I’ve got one word to say… REALLY? This man has to be right so Webster got the word, HUMBLE totally wrong?!

At this moment I realized that this man might be too HUMBLE for me. His overwhelming humility is impeding his ability to concentrate on anything other than himself.

Oh, by the way, did I miss my opportunity to mention the $1.00 I gave to the Salvation Army guy? 😉

I did learn something though- the meaning of humble is NOT CONCEITED NOR CONVINCED. In his case, he was convinced that he was HUMBLE and CONCEITED enough to talk about being HUMBLE.

Needless to say, we both lived happily ever after – he went his way, and I went my way laughing and bragging about my most humble date. THE END.

The Headless Hunt

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I understand the concept of a “BLIND DATE” but the whole idea of creating an extensive profile on any online dating site is to provide the potential viewer or date with an idea of what they are getting themselves into. In the last two months, I have been contacted by countless headless profiles, with only a bare minimum of the profile items filled out and no photo in sight. So in simple terms, I might as well have been shown interest by the 80-year old grandma next door, the teenage vampire enthusiast looking for his first human experience, or a walking pedophile looking for a cover.

And even when they add a photograph to their profile, it is so blurry that it seems that their life is in a permanent state of fog. Or it is a group picture where I cannot decide who or how many of them are contacting me. Or he is just a tiny blip in some beautiful scenery. As much as I love the Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal, I sure as hell won’t marry one. Get the picture? The real one…

It makes sense that on a dating site, you would like to convey or express the affectionate side of you. I too am affectionate but you will NOT see me displaying photos of my dog, cat, pet iguana or any other creature in Old McDonald’s farm. Come on guys, I want to see you, NOT YOUR PETS and NOT ALL THE PLACES YOU’VE BEEN. I want to see what you look like in a natural setting, and not the buffed up, half naked version of you that has to take a picture of themselves in the bathroom mirror. If you are such an interesting, affectionate person surely you can scramble up a friend to take a picture of you, even strangers do it for tourists. So just to finish up, show your face man! Just a simple picture and have some confidence. If you noticed, the female species does not have that high of standard regarding your looks. Otherwise, so many of you would not be married in the first place. Truth does hurt…

PSA (Prospective Suitors Announcement)

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One tiny teeny, even, teenier weenier request – please check the number you dialed before you begin selling yourself as a great catch. We don’t expect you to suddenly grab a conscience nor stop you from following your Neanderthal urge to dip your stick in as many pots as possible and if you get gushy mushy and even pushy with someone by the name of “Angela,” make sure you don’t dial my number instead. Because as air-headed as someone from the fairer sex can be, somewhere down the line we will realize that you are completely talking to someone else.

So ladies, I’m sure that I am not the first female this has happened to. A while ago, one of these so-called Prince Charmings on a white mule contacted me through one of these many online dating websites. Of course he looked great on paper, but so do I. We talked a couple of times – the first time we talked, it was a usual banter that we do to make sure we are both from the same planet. The second time we talked, I felt a sudden experience of déjà vous but rather than pointing it out, I suffered through it, many times thinking, “what the hell, did he even listen to me the first time we talked” which was less than twenty fours hours ago. Allow me to describe the third and last time we talked play by play.

Phone Rings.

Me: Hello

Him: Hi Angela, how are you?

“ME” who is certainly not Angela thinking: WTH, I hope he was calling his sister.

Him: I’ve been thinking about you, what’s been going on since we’ve talked babe (not even 72 hours and already calling me babe)… Hmmm….

“ME” deciding that since Angela is not your sister, I will milk you for this, and become your “babe,” Angela.

The banter continues between him and I (Angela) and he realizes two minutes into the conversation that Angela suddenly was not interested in the same things as she was a couple of days ago. So he finally says.

“Angela, wait, I’m confused because that’s not what you said the last time we talked.”

Me: “that’s okay because the last time we talked jackass, I wasn’t Angela either.”

So dear sisters, I am assuming you all know what happened next – NOTHING!

TIP TO THE MEN: We realize that your lives are much more difficult than Adam. There are just too many Eves to keep track of but when you’re courting someone on the phone, make sure you’re calling that particular someone. GET IT RIGHT, you’ve already been kicked out of one Garden of Eden!

A Letter To Fair & Lovely Lightening Cream

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Dear “Fair & Lovely” Lightening Cream,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been a while since we’ve faced each other. I just want to let you know that you have had a paramount impact on my teenage and early adult years. I remember standing in front of my bathroom mirror spending hours and hours of massaging your creaminess into my wheatish complexion, praying that one of these days I will be fair and lovely as the models in your generic commercials. More importantly, I would be as happy as they always looked, spinning around, hair flowing in the air, and everyone turning around looking at them walking in the streets and them having a confident, yet, smug look on their face, knowing that it is their fair and lovely skin that is causing such mayhem on the streets.

Sadly, in spite of all of your promises, I never turned from dark chocolate to white chocolate, no matter how much milk I added. What the hell? I thought this was the beginning of a life long relationship but only few years down the line, I finally realized what a crock of shit you are. I despise you, how could you do this to me? You said, “fair & lovely” time after time that I never realized it can be “dark & lovely” too. After spending so much time, energy, not to mention all the money I invested in our relationship, I am finally at a point where it’s time to say farewell to Fair & Lovely. I am still not fair but I am just as lovely as I ever was, and my WHEATISH skin is the wet dream of a tanning booth. It is good bye and good riddance from me, I only hope that you would stop your false campaign to whitewash all of the human race and leave the rest of the young girls alone with whichever complexion they happened to be born with.

I have discarded all the remains of our false relationship into the trash. I hope I never come across you again, and perhaps one day someone will find you and dump a bucket load of brown into your “fair & lovely mess.”

Yours No More,

Wheatish & Lovelier

P.S. I hear Snow White is looking for a tanning booth to mask her connection to Edward from Twilight.

Matrimonial NetWorking is NotWorking

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As I mentioned before, there are many resources for a girl like me, they consist of matchmaking through family, friends, newspapers/magazine ads, dating services such as BharatMatrimony.com, Indiandating.com and last but not least my dear, dear favorite, Shaadi.com or as I adoringly call it Shitty.com or Shady.com. Come on now, what other choice do I have? The bar? Nahh, not happening…

So what does this mean to you?

Well, as I said it before, this sounds very similar to the outlets available to all the singles here in America but it is far from the same. Once again, I have been set up by family, friends, good Samaritans, bad Samaritans, pets, bugs and all the other creatures under the sun – okay, maybe not them. I have met a variety of men through the avenues mentioned here and above and all I have gained from these experiences are OUTLANDISH stories that make my friends gasp for air and me ending up with some kind of ITIS (what is itis? Google it)!

Want a clearer picture of what I’m talking about? Let me interest you to our version of the “newspaper order bride or groom” –- perhaps, I might exaggerate some of these ads but for the most part, I’ve hit the bulls-eye. After reading some of these it is quite possible that you may feel like less of a person, more like property looking to be appraised, or merchandise on sale. I know I have felt this when I have been asked several times by Auntys’ and Uncles,’ “are you still on the market?” So below are some common and typical ads you would see or respond to in one of the newspapers or magazines.

Groom

North Indian Hindu parents of very FAIR, handsome, accomplished, Ivy-League Physician (39/5’11) seeks FAIR, tall, beautiful, cultured professional, never married bride from a respectable, affluent family. Doctor preferred with vegetarian eating habits and preferably American citizen or permanent resident. Please respond with biodata and recent photos to Box No. 1234456 at India Abroad.

Bride

Respectable South Indian family invites suitable match for their beautiful, FAIR daughter (26/5’3) U.S born, doing medical residency from a well-educated, handsome, fair, well-established professional, ages 28-31, settled in U.S. Looking for teetotalers. Please respond with recent photographs, biodata, and horoscope. Please contact Box No. 97289 at TANA Patrika Magazine.

Are you blown away? How do you feel after reading those ads? Honestly, rather than getting ticked off, feeling desperate, and sitting in the corner crying, I simply take it lightly and just make fun of it in hopes that one of these ads my parents or I respond to can possibly help find my suitable match. So here is my version of the wares in the matrimonial market.  Brace yourself or just laugh…

Matrimonial Bride

Over-protective Hindu brother invites proposals for his sister, masters in domestic engineering, cooks excellent idli/sambar, speaks only Tamil, trained to cook in Indian style kitchens and is a devout Cowboys fan. Visits the temple every Thursday and the Cowboys stadium every Sunday. Contact No. 405-Can’t take my sister any more.

Matrimonial Groom

Hindu (worried and sick) Bengali parents seek alliance for U.S born son who is 42, big bone, 5’4, partially unemployed, somewhat cultured, little uncivilized and couch potato. Parents looking for any half-decent looking girl, who has enough income to support their son’s daily tobacco chewing habit, keep his house clean, ears dusted, and his belly full. Please contact us at 713-My Perfect Son.

I am positive this process has been passed down from generation to generation and it apparently works – just not sure I fully agree with the way certain ads are written. Are the words FAIR or Ivy-League really necessary? Though, I will always wonder about that, I will continue with my brave face and just go with it… want to join or want to share your thoughts? Better hit the newspapers again… (SMILE).

Matrimony Corner Market

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Ste. 200, Tight Corner
Lonely Building
Some Country                                                           
Another City – Whatever Zip Code

Phone: 1-800-555-5555

South Indian parents seeking alliance of a suitable, well established, and qualified groom for their beautiful and homely daughter who is an accomplished 36 yrs. old, 5’ 2” with a double Masters and an extensive Sari collection. Has a wheatish complexion, dynamic personality and well versed with east/west values. Please respond with updated biodata and recent photos – caste no bar, sex no bar and see you at the bar. If interested, contact us at: NeedAGroomFast@MyDaughterIsNotGettingAnyYounger.OMG

So, this is where it all begins…


The past few years have been like riding a roller coaster without being strapped in. I am an Indian American “old maid.” One would think how could I be an old maid at 36 but according to certain cultural norms, I am, believe it or not, approaching spinsterhood. You know… come to think of it, I was considered an “old maid” at the age of 26. After this age, our "Indian" parents begin to sweat profusely… 

My parents were born and raised in India and later moved to the United States for a better life not only for them, but most importantly their children. I love my parents dearly and have the highest form of respect for them. I have never gone without and they have helped me follow any dream that I have had. I’m very fortunate to have grown up in the environment that I have, allowing me to have the best of both worlds: The freedom of growing up in America as a woman and never having to forgo an opportunity because I am one. Also, to have such a close tie to a beautiful, rich culture full of values and traditions. I believe I am a better person having been able to experience both. However, one of these two worlds is making my life quite difficult right now. Can you guess which one it is? I’m quite sure that multiple-choice isn’t needed here…

There are many resources for a girl like me. They consist of matchmaking through family friends, believe it or not, ads in Indian Magazines and Newspapers (see example above, which totally reeks of my sarcasm and humor), Marriage Brokers, Indian Dating Services, and last but certainly not least Indian Dating/Marriage Websites. I know this sounds very similar to the outlets available to all the dating community in the U.S.A but it is far from similar. I also know that several of these resources have helped numerous people. Unfortunately, I have been one of the unlucky ones.

The average acceptable age for an Indian girl’s prime marriage years is 23 to 26. As you can see I am “way beyond” past my “prime.” After graduating from college, I pursued a Masters Degree, which I completed when I was 25; after which my search for the right, Indian man began. How does one go about finding that right Indian man in the melting pot of America or just finding a good man in general?

Have I caught your attention? If so, continue to follow me through my journey as I navigate through life being an Indian-American woman and search for the man of my dreams. Here we go…