Matrimonial NetWorking is NotWorking

WCprofile

As I mentioned before, there are many resources for a girl like me, they consist of matchmaking through family, friends, newspapers/magazine ads, dating services such as BharatMatrimony.com, Indiandating.com and last but not least my dear, dear favorite, Shaadi.com or as I adoringly call it Shitty.com or Shady.com. Come on now, what other choice do I have? The bar? Nahh, not happening…

So what does this mean to you?

Well, as I said it before, this sounds very similar to the outlets available to all the singles here in America but it is far from the same. Once again, I have been set up by family, friends, good Samaritans, bad Samaritans, pets, bugs and all the other creatures under the sun – okay, maybe not them. I have met a variety of men through the avenues mentioned here and above and all I have gained from these experiences are OUTLANDISH stories that make my friends gasp for air and me ending up with some kind of ITIS (what is itis? Google it)!

Want a clearer picture of what I’m talking about? Let me interest you to our version of the “newspaper order bride or groom” –- perhaps, I might exaggerate some of these ads but for the most part, I’ve hit the bulls-eye. After reading some of these it is quite possible that you may feel like less of a person, more like property looking to be appraised, or merchandise on sale. I know I have felt this when I have been asked several times by Auntys’ and Uncles,’ “are you still on the market?” So below are some common and typical ads you would see or respond to in one of the newspapers or magazines.

Groom

North Indian Hindu parents of very FAIR, handsome, accomplished, Ivy-League Physician (39/5’11) seeks FAIR, tall, beautiful, cultured professional, never married bride from a respectable, affluent family. Doctor preferred with vegetarian eating habits and preferably American citizen or permanent resident. Please respond with biodata and recent photos to Box No. 1234456 at India Abroad.

Bride

Respectable South Indian family invites suitable match for their beautiful, FAIR daughter (26/5’3) U.S born, doing medical residency from a well-educated, handsome, fair, well-established professional, ages 28-31, settled in U.S. Looking for teetotalers. Please respond with recent photographs, biodata, and horoscope. Please contact Box No. 97289 at TANA Patrika Magazine.

Are you blown away? How do you feel after reading those ads? Honestly, rather than getting ticked off, feeling desperate, and sitting in the corner crying, I simply take it lightly and just make fun of it in hopes that one of these ads my parents or I respond to can possibly help find my suitable match. So here is my version of the wares in the matrimonial market.  Brace yourself or just laugh…

Matrimonial Bride

Over-protective Hindu brother invites proposals for his sister, masters in domestic engineering, cooks excellent idli/sambar, speaks only Tamil, trained to cook in Indian style kitchens and is a devout Cowboys fan. Visits the temple every Thursday and the Cowboys stadium every Sunday. Contact No. 405-Can’t take my sister any more.

Matrimonial Groom

Hindu (worried and sick) Bengali parents seek alliance for U.S born son who is 42, big bone, 5’4, partially unemployed, somewhat cultured, little uncivilized and couch potato. Parents looking for any half-decent looking girl, who has enough income to support their son’s daily tobacco chewing habit, keep his house clean, ears dusted, and his belly full. Please contact us at 713-My Perfect Son.

I am positive this process has been passed down from generation to generation and it apparently works – just not sure I fully agree with the way certain ads are written. Are the words FAIR or Ivy-League really necessary? Though, I will always wonder about that, I will continue with my brave face and just go with it… want to join or want to share your thoughts? Better hit the newspapers again… (SMILE).

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