Socrates said, “Know Thyself” and I Say, “Be Thyself”

zodiac sign virgo- vector illustration

Are you of a certain age? Are you single? Are you being setup (or having to put up with being setup)? Is that all you are doing? That just can’t be…  so the question arises, while you are waiting to start a “conscience coupling” with a suitable groom, what else is happening in your lives? Well, some of you are scaling mountains and it’s highest peaks, others may be researching the depths of the oceans, or working on the cure for a rare disease, or dropping a beat (let it gooooooooooooooo….), or writing a book of children’s rhymes or just trying to improve the world we live in, in your own small way. Are we not inspirational or empowering?  Do these endeavors leave no legacy? Is it not okay to go against the grain, and dream a different dream? I ask these questions not to the women of a generation above me but to all my fellow females.

In the past couple of years, I have felt an array of emotions from wonder to happy to ecstatic. I have reached a peak in my life, and career that had seemed impossible. But guess what, I have realized that none of it was beyond my reach, I deserved it all along. Where there is a will, a way will appear by itself.

Nevertheless, to those who are concerned, the central theme remains the same – I am single. And the tone of concern goes from decrescendo to crescendo. i.e., the message is not that “I am unmarried” but that “I have failed to get married.” The definition is the same but they have different connotations. A certain “blast from my past” has brought it to my attention that another year has passed, without my wedding bells ringing in her ears. So here is a question to ponder on. My fellow females, is marriage the ultimate goal? Do our lives, achievements, and joys before marriage have no value? Or do they in any way, weigh less? Why is it that in our culture, a girl’s achievements, hopes and dreams, outside/before marriage is considered to be “extra curricular activities?”

As the new-year started, I have been approached “repeatedly” by a certain person and her plethora of advice that I did not ask for. If I only fixed my makeup, if only I lost some weight (by the way, I don’t commute via construction crane), and if I could only scrub off the color of my skin off my body (just in case you can’t tell, I’m of wheatish complexion), this person is certain that I could get married. All that I require is major improvement or extreme makeover.

The irony is, all my life I have been told, even during my brief stint as a model, that my features were a catch factor. I was surprised that she saw my looks as a demarcation. I’ll be honest, it did bite. Anyways, I will eat a cookie, and I will get over it. Whatever she thinks is irrelevant and it’s really none of my business. I will get married, “in spite of the darker foundation” not because I need to but because I want to. And when it happens, I vow to keep doing what I am doing now. I will be “me” and I will leave a legacy of intelligence, serenity and laughter for the next generation.

My marriage though being a significant part of my life shall NOT overpower my being. My experiences as a woman, as a human in this world will not be confined to being married. To all you phenomenal and beautiful women out there, keep in mind that men and marriage does not define who we are and no decent and self-respecting man would want us to settle for him. Whatever you do, don’t allow anyone to pull you down just because you are older than the norm and single. There are so many unhappy married people around but our goal is to have a marriage that is everlasting and full of bliss. Don’t be afraid of receiving as much as you offer. Patience is a virtue and while we wait for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, let’s just enjoy beauty of the rainbow.

12 thoughts on “Socrates said, “Know Thyself” and I Say, “Be Thyself”

  1. I love you dear friend and love you the way you are. Keep calling people to open their hearts, see with new eyes, face fear with a moment by moment trust, and live with joy in the disappointment. You are a gem!

  2. Wonderful article! I agree completely. In lots of cultures, especially eastern cultures, being married is the highest achievement a woman can have. Then of course, the next question is when are you having kids? You can’t be defined by your family or marital status. You should be defined by who you are as a person.

  3. It definitely doesn’t matter what other people think. As long as you’re happy and you know the person who are, then disregard peoples’ opinions. Yeah, a long time ago, a woman’s goal was to get married and procreate, but society has progressed. A woman’s role now has completely changed and I’m glad to hear that you are happy, successful, and confident in who you are and what you want.

  4. It’s hard to tell people who think they are well-intentioned to stay out of your personal life. Ironically, they probably wouldn’t tolerate the same intrusion into their personal lives!

  5. Goal in life does NOT have to be the marriage. The goal should be to have the happiness and peace, which marriage (just like charity and career and others) might or might not bring! I think we should all lead our life to achieve that happiness, whatever way it comes. So true : ” men and marriage does not define who we are”… its time we women start defining ourselves, be proud of who we are, instead of letting others defining us and trying to force us in that stereotype. Its time to break that “norm”.

  6. Hi,

    As a single guy in this world, I can feel you on certain points in your article. The norm in a culture is to follow, and not to question the rules and expectations set in place. This may be perfectly fine for some people, but for the curious and questioning lot, it causes some friction.

    I think the real thing that defines our relationships is our connection to the whole of humanity, and not man-made institutions. Some people get married just for following the norm, but they are some who get married because they are connected spiritually and physically to their partner, and also feel a deep connection to humanity as a whole.

    Enjoy :)

  7. You be you and go conquer the world my friend! You sound amazing– leave the weak being weak. That is their problem they must struggle with. You be YOU!

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